While I do have a short write-up on my history as an ABDL under the “About Me” section, I’ve never actually written out my entire story anywhere, and thought it would be fun to share (and feel free to share your history in the comments as well). This will hopefully give you all some insight into me personally, and also give some insight into why I am trying to achieve my goal of bedwetting. As I’ve never written all of this out, I have no idea how long it will be. It might be 5 paragraphs, it might be a novella. I guess we’ll see.
First of all, I do want to make it clear that I never suffered any sort of abuse as a child. While I know this fetish/lifestyle can be a coping mechanism for those that did, I feel like sometimes all ABDLs get put under this generalization, which is just not true. Overall, I had a pretty normal and happy childhood, and I believe that this fetish is something much more innate to my personality rather than being a response to my life experiences. As a final note before beginning, I am the youngest of three, with my other siblings both being sisters. This might have played some sort of role, but if there really is a link between being the youngest child and ABDL, I haven’t figured it out yet.
As far as I’m aware, I didn’t have any issues potty training, and never experienced bedwetting past the “normal” age of 3 or so. I do remember a couple of accidents, like having a messy accident before preschool when I was about 4, and having a small wetting accident at school in the 2nd grade (though I did make it through the rest of the day being undiscovered somehow). I also remember the distinct smell of stale urine on my pajamas when I was very young (something that I only actually realized when I grew much older and wet myself on purpose, haha), though these night-time accidents were never large enough for me to require protection, or even leave marks on my bed as far as I remember.
Despite this overall success with potty training and being trusted to wear “big-boy” undies, my interest in diapers and other baby paraphernalia really does go back as far as I can remember. Although it’s pretty difficult to know how reliable early childhood memories are, one of my first is of me asking my parents to put me into a diaper, even after I was successfully potty-trained. Much to the shock of my parents (and the amusement of my sisters), I actually used this diaper, and I’m pretty sure that was the last time my parents ever let me do that. A bit later, when I was around 5, I remember playing “house¨ and other pretend games with a close (female) friend of mine. For some reason, one of the “props” that my parents left for use to play with were the old, unused diapers of my toddler years. I would often insist on playing as a baby, and of course that included wearing a diaper to go with it, which would usually just consist of stuffing the diaper into my underwear and not using it. I don’t think my parents ever knew about these playtime shenanigans, but the friend I was with definitely became annoyed at my insistence on wearing these diapers and always being the baby.
After the age of 6 or so, I can’t really think of any other “defining” ABDL moments or patterns until my pre-pubescent years. The first time these tendencies re-emerged was when I was 10, when I was very very curious about how it felt to poop my pants. I couldn’t tell you why messing was the first part of my interest to come up again, but being an impulsive young lad, I did it, sitting over the toilet with my super-hero briefs still on. From what I remember, I didn’t not like it, but was mostly just thinking “why did I just do that?” I somehow disposed of the soiled underwear, and forgot about the whole interest for the time being. Then, in 6th grade, we read a book in class called “Bud, Not Buddy”. For those unaware (which I’m going to assume is everyone), there is a part of this book where an orphaned child spends some time with foster parents who force him to sleep on a bed with a plastic mattress protector, because they don’t know if he wets the bed or not. The foster parents also have a biological son, who has no plastic sheet on his bed, as he is obviously a “big kid¨ who can control himself at night. In order to get back at the abusive foster parents and child, the protagonist uses the old “hand in warm water” trick to make the other child wet his bed. Now, we read this entire book out-loud in class. When we read this part, everyone was laughing, and saying stuff like “why are we reading this, haha¨. . . Except me. This was before I really new about sex or arousal, but while reading this portion of the book, I became extremely aroused, much to my confusion.
Again, nothing really happened for the next year and a half, until the summer before my 8th grade year (so nearly 13). One night, while watching TV, I got another weird urge, but this time to try and wet my pants rather than mess. I distinctly remember how difficult it was for me to overcome my years of toilet-training and pee myself. I was able to get a few dribbles here and there, and it felt pretty good, so I kept doing it. At long last, I was able to get a tiny stream going, and it felt amazing. Of course, I later realized that I was having a (not so) dry orgasm (I was a bit of a late bloomer, what can I say). Obviously, as this felt so great, I continued to do these small wettings, and even remembered my interest years before of messing my pants as well, which I tried a few times as well. These “sessions” would usually incorporate me staying up quite late on Friday’s, and wetting and/or messing myself after my parents went to sleep, and then ditching the evidence, or doing a quick load of laundry. During one of these nights, I had a crazy idea of searching something like “adult poop pants” in Google (those crazy good teenage-year porn searches), just to see if there was anything out there. That night, my mind was blown. I discovered all about infantilism/ABDL and the genius idea of using diapers instead of just wetting my pants. I discovered forums, stories, videos, all of this new crazy discovery (and yes, sorry, I went on the ABDL forums before I was 18, though I never posted, so…..eh?).
By the time I was 14, I was fully aware I had this diaper fetish, and did many of the usual methods to make my own “makeshift diapers΅, from using towels and a garbage bag with holes cut in it for plastic pants, to just stuffing my underwear with paper towels. Obviously, these didn’t work out all that well, but I finally got the chance to buy my first real adult diapers during a weekend when I was 16 and my parents went out of town. I drove to the local walgreens and picked up a large green bag of depends night-time protection “incontinence briefs”. Obviously, my heart was beating like I was having a heart attack as I went to the register, but I somehow forked over my $20 bill or whatever, probably blushing the whole time, got out of there as quickly as possible, and I had them! My first adult diapers! Now, yes, these were Depends, so they weren’t the best of the best, but this was back in ~2010 when Depends were still plastic backed and had 3 (3!) tapes per side, so they were slightly better than the Depends of today. Besides, these were 1,000 times better than what I had jury-rigged back home, so I was in heaven. This pack of ~30 diapers actually lasted me all the way until I left for college, as I used them as a sort of “special occasion” type treat (and because it was hard to wear at home during this time).
I really didn’t partake in anything ABDL related in college. For one, I had a roommate all 4 years, and I didn’t want to be known “that guy that wears diapers”, so I mostly just kept it all on the DL (as in down-low, lol). While I did have a couple of normal relationships in college, none of them ever incorporated age-play or diapers. Of course, I knew that this fetish was a major part of my sexual identity, and I still looked at porn/read stories, but that was the extent of my involvement with ABDL during my college years. Right after college, I moved in with one of my close friends, and, no longer living in dorms, I decided to finally get my first real ABDL stuff: Tykables Overnights, a NUK 3(? don’t remember which one exactly) pacifier, and some onesies from baby-pants. At this point, I was in heaven. If there was ever any doubt I was into age-play, it was gone by now. I might a been a biiiit lax wearing around my roommate a few times, and I’m pretty sure he noticed, but he was a bro about it if he did, and never brought anything up.
Sadly, I had trouble finding a job in the city I was living in at the time, and had to move back home for financial reasons. This actually didn’t stop me from accruing more ABDL paraphernalia, as I would order things online and have them held at a UPS store, where I could easily pick them up without my parents coming across the packages. However, unfortunately (and perhaps inevitably), my parents eventually found a package of Overnights hidden in my closet (my parents keep some old stuff in my closet that they sometimes use, so it’s not that unusual for them to rummage through it occasionally). To put it bluntly, it was embarrassing. They first asked if I had a bedwetting issue (sadly, not the case, lol), and I had to kind of come clean that it was a fetish. It basically became a “we won’t ask, but keep it out of our sight” type deal. I did find an in-between type job back home that was 2nd shift, which was perfect for me, both because I’m more of a night-owl, and because I could indulge in my little side while my parents slept.
Of course, this in-between job was really just a way to earn some money to pay of college loans and accrue some savings, and I found a job in my field in a nearby city about a year in. With this new job, I tried to move out as quickly as possible, both to cut the commute down from 40 minutes one way, and to also give me my own living space basically ever. I finally moved in late last year, and almost immediately began buying my dream-list of ABDL items: all of the diapers, stuffies, pacifiers, toys, clothes, etc. that a little could want. I pimped out my room to look almost indistinguishable from a 4 year-olds. I began wearing to bed literally every night. At this time, I also began looking for local ABDLs, mostly through Fetlife. I found a great community in a nearby city, and started a play/dating type relationship with one of the other members who lived closer to me. I went to my first CAPCon in March of this year and had a blast. Overall, as far as ABDL stuff goes, the last half of a year could not have gone better.
And that brings us to today. I’m now neck-deep in ABDL items, friends, and events. I write this blog, trying to lose my night-time continene that I’ve had for the last 20 some years. To be honest, I couldn’t be happier. I certainly had my troubles coming to terms with being into this type of lifestyle, but you can’t change what makes you happy, and this truly makes me happy. I realize looking back that I wrote quite a lot (who would have thought that telling your whole life story takes so long), but for those that read this far, I hope you enjoyed it and have a better understanding of my journey so far.
Until next time,