Still Here and Tryin’!

Sorry for taking so long in between updates, everyone! Small changes have happened in regards to my training, but nothing has been significant enough to make me feel like I just had to write a post. After a while, it also caused me more anxiety to write as all the little stuff slowly added up and there would be more and more I would need to cover. Well, I finally have a relatively free weekend, so I figured I could give an update, along with having a second post to go over a specific topic with my training. First, though, the update:

So my last update was at the end of last year, just after I bought my new house. I’m not going to go over everything that’s happened in my personal life, but between getting set-up in the new house and the bombardment of social/family events as COVID restrictions loosen, my life has definitely been pretty busy per usual. It’s actually pretty crazy that my last update was over half a year ago, and that 2021 is already over half behind us. Over this time I have continued to wear whenever I want, which basically translates to 24/7. There are still times where I consciously don’t wear, such as family events and doctor’s appointments, along with the few times where I just want to “air out”, but you will normally find me with a crinkly (and usually wet) diaper wrapped around my waist.

I guess first I should go over the main purpose of my blog: the bedwetting progress. Well, I’ll be honest. There hasn’t really been any. In fact, It’s almost certainly gone slightly in reverse. A big reason for this is that my sleeping pattern has been slightly screwed up. Currently, I usually fall asleep at night for 4-5 hours. I will then wake up and stay awake for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before falling back asleep for another 3-4 hours. The issue is the period I’m awake. I am almost guaranteed to have to pee when I wake up during this time. I think my body has subconsciously adjusted to the interruption of sleep as a consistent “potty break” that it can hold out for. I wake up way less often just to pee and go back to sleep in 30 seconds, like before. I think the change is occurring due to a change in medication, but we’ll see if this split night-time sleep continues to be a thing. Honestly, this feeling that I’m still starting at basically square 1 after over 2 years is somewhat discouraging. If this had been the only part of my update, I might seriously be considering this entire thing impossible and cancelling this blog, except….

My daytime control has definitely seen changes over the past couple of month, to degrees that I think of as pretty substantial. I assume part of these changes have occurred as natural consequences of wearing 24/7, but I do think I have helped it along the way as well. While I never came into this “project” with any sort of goal related to daytime incontinence, I’m not going to say that the lessening of my daytime control is unwelcome. I don’t really want to blow this out of proportion; I still have total daytime continence. I flew out of state for an extended weekend stay with a long-term friend and spent the entire time undiapered without incident. However, I definitely took some extra precautions, such as making sure to go to the bathroom right before getting into any line, or before leaving my friend’s apartment/a restaurant.

To put into perspective where I am now, I want to briefly share my history with daytime control and accidents. Put simply, I had pretty stellar control through my prepubescence through….well, 2 years ago when I started this. I used to be able to drink over a liter of soda while playing video games over a 6 hour period and not get up to use the bathroom once, with very infrequent issues (I say that last part as my last couple of true “accidents” where a spurt of pee escaping and signalling to me that it was probably time to pause and take a potty-break, the last of these occurring when I was around 14 or so). The last time I had what I would consider a full-blown accident was in 2nd grade (which is a story for another day if anyone is interested). I can’t even remember any specific wetting accidents before this, so I don’t think I even had another accident after the age of 5 besides this one.

Contrast that to today. Nowadays, If I drink a single can of soda, I’m going to need to go to the bathroom within an hour and – unlike before – there’s no holding it for 5 more hours. Usually, I hardly notice as I’m almost always in diapers and am becoming so much more comfortable with just casually letting go at the first signal from my bladder. This is something that really only comes up during those few times I’m not wearing. I now take extra precaution with fluid intake and make sure to go to the bathroom before heading anywhere/doing anything where bathroom availability will be restricted for any amount of time (kinda like a real child with potty problems, lol). There have also been quite a few times where I have been airing out (ie undiapered) and doing chores when the urge to go hits. I’ll notice I have to go and think “alright, well I have these 3 things to do that will take 30 minutes. I’ll just go after that.” and then halfway through I have to stop what I’m doing and immediately head to the bathroom, as the urge has become too much of a nuisance. Kind of going along with this, I wet much more frequently with less volume now. Before, I could consistently get 3-4 wettings into a premium diaper before needing a change. Nowadays, It’s probably double that. Because I’m wetting so frequently and have such a laissez-faire attitude about it, I often lose count of how many times I’ve gone, so pinning down an actual number is pretty hard.

So, how and why am I losing daytime continence? Well, the first step of the “how” is pretty basic: wearing diapers as often as possible. The second part is also pretty simple: drinking more fluids. More liquid in means more liquid out, which is more practice for untraining. The final step is definitely the most difficult on a moment to moment basis: trying to leave my urinary muscled as relaxed as much and as often as possible. This started with making sure that any time I wet, I just relaxed – no pushing. This extended to trying to keep this relaxation as long as possible after feeling the flow stop. I’ve actually noticed through the few times I haven’t worn and have had to go in a toilet that my instinctive reflex to clamp back down on my bladder muscles after finishing is basically gone. A couple of times I have stood at the toilet for 30 seconds just letting out a few intermittent drops before I remember….oh, yeah. I need to clamp down and shake off the last few dribbles. The last stage of this relaxation is naturally then to just be relaxed all the time, and to continue that relaxation when an urge hits so that you effortlessly go. I’m obviously not totally here yet, but it’s definitely coming along, much more than it ever did with my bedwetting training.

And that leaves the “why?” Well, for starters, the idea of daytime incontinence is tantalizing to me. Unlike bedwetting, however, I’ve never been totally 100% sure that I would want the responsibility and implications of daytime incontinence, so I’ve held off. With that being said, I have always wanted to reduce the crazy, 10 hour control of my youth. It’s hard to role-play any sort of control issues when you almost never feel a true sense of urgency. The other, main reason is that I believe trying to achieve daytime incontinence is one of the most surefire ways to achieving nighttime incontinence. Reading through threads where people share “success stories” of becoming bedwetters, I would say a vast majority comment that it was simply a byproduct of trying to achieve total urinary incontinence. Honestly, I have been super pleased with the progress I’ve made with my daytime continence and it has reinvigorated my desire to continue this bedwetting training.

That’s about it for the update, I think. Sorry again for not updating in so long, but I think this is easily my longest post, so hopefully that makes up for it. I do also plan to write a post about diaper leaks, so look out for that in the near future. Like always, if you have any questions, feel free to reach out in the comments, through my email, or through the “Questions? Just Ask!” page. Thank you to all who read this entire post. I sincerely appreciate everyone that visits this blog. Have a great rest of the summer!

Hugs,

-JB

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